LGBT+ - NENC
Your biological sex means the gender assigned at birth. Gender identity is about how you feel inside.
Some people feel that the sex assigned to them at birth is different to the gender they identify with. When biological sex and gender identity don’t match up, a person sometimes identifies as transgender.
Sexual orientation means who you're attracted to. There are many sexual orientations, including gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, and asexual. Gender expression is how people show the world their gender, in how they dress or behave.
When should you worry?
Advice and Guidance
What is coming out?
‘Coming out’ is when someone tells someone else their LGBT+ identity. In relation to sexual orientation and gender identity, this means sharing with others that you are lesbian, gay, bi and/or trans (LGBT).
When and how to come out?
Coming out is personal and different for everyone, there is no right or wrong way to come out and you must do it when the time is right for you.
Some people are comfortable talking openly about their sexual orientation and gender identity. Others may decide not to be ‘out’ with certain groups or in every context and some people decide not to ‘come out’ to anyone, ever.
Coming out is rarely a once-in-a-lifetime event, as many LGBT+ people may want or need to come out to each new person they meet, or may realise different aspects of their LGBT+ identity over time which they might then choose to tell people about.
Coming out can be difficult and takes courage, as you never know how other people are going to react, but the most important person to come out to first is yourself. When you decide to tell friends and family about your identity, it is important you do not put pressure on yourself to come out.
Coming Out guide
If you are questioning what sexuality or gender you might be, or know that you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans, then download the Proud Trust's Coming Out Guide! It’s a great resource for everyone to read to explore and understand your gender and sexuality and think about how to be a good friend to a LGBT person.
Some tips from the Proud Trust:
- Don't worry: although it can be a difficult experience you are not alone and there are plenty of people to support you
- Before coming out to others, a big step is to come out to yourself
- Everyone is different: the 'right time' is different for everyone and you need to decide when is right for you
- Take your time
- Have a plan
- See how others have come out
Support and advice
Healthy lives for young people
Brook operates a number of sexual health and wellbeing services across the UK and they are committed to supporting young people.
This is their page on 'coming out'.
The Proud Trust is a life saving and life enhancing organisation that helps LGBT+ young people empower themselves, to make a positive change for themselves, and their communities.
To find out more about their work, as well as all the lovely people and partner organisations that help make all this happen, visit their website.
Mental Health
Coming out can be a stressful experience and here are some of our mental health pages:
Dealing with abuse and mental health
Homophobic, biphobic and transphobic bullying are the official terms that describe bullying motivated by prejudice against LGBT+ people.
Thank you to Brook who helped provide content for this page.
What counts as bullying?
Bullying of any kind can include anything from name-calling and spreading rumours to physical, sexual or emotional abuse.
If it’s making you feel upset or threatened, it’s probably bullying. Here are some common signs that you’re being bullied:
- Teasing and name-calling
- Making threats
- Being put down or humiliated
- Inappropriate hand gestures or groping
- Being ignored or made to feel left out or excluded
- Hitting, pinching, biting, pushing and shoving
- Kicking, punching or being physically hurt
- Stealing your belongings or money
- Making things up to get you into trouble
- Threats and intimidation
- Making silent or offensive phone calls
- Posting or sharing insulting messages, rumours or photos online
- Sending offensive text messages
- You are receiving threats to ‘out’ you and tell your friends and family about your sexuality or gender
- Being compared to LGBT+ celebrities or characters that portray particular stereotypes of LGBT+ people
How to deal with bullies
Bullying is very upsetting and can really affect your mental and physical health. Bullying can leave you feeling worried or anxious, depressed, lonely, low in self-esteem and even scared. This can result in missing school or college or avoiding the place or places where the bully exists.
You have a right to express your sexuality and your gender and you should not be bullied or discriminated against simply because you are lesbian, gay, bi, trans or non-binary.
Some simple ways you can stop bullying before it gets out of hand include dismissing them, being assertive or challenging them on their remarks.
If you feel like bullying is getting out of control, here are some simple steps you can take:
- Tell a friend. Friends are key, both to support and distract you from what’s happening
- Tell a parent or guardian. Even if you’re not ready to tell anyone else, their support could make all the difference
- Tell a teacher: if you’re at school, your teachers have a duty to help you. By law schools must have bullying and equal opportunities policies for staff and pupils so ask to see their anti-bullying policy which should outline what steps they take to tackle bullying
- Keep a diary or a record of the remarks or behaviour
- Don’t reply to abusive messages as this could make things worse and more upsetting. But keep the messages so you can show them to an adult
Support
If you are being bullied and don’t know what to do about it, you can contact ChildLine who are there to help you and provide advice.
Call to speak to one of ChildLine’s counsellors for free on 0800 1111 or use their online chat.
Misgender
The act of referring to someone as the wrong gender or using the wrong pronouns. This usually refers to intentionally or maliciously referring to a trans person incorrectly, but can also be done by accident.
A person’s individual identity is very important to them, so it can feel uncomfortable to be misgendered.
You should always be respectful of people’s gender identity and expression.
Not everyone identifies with one gender, some people will have a different gender to the one aligned with the sex they were assigned at birth; and others simply don’t present in stereotypical ways. Any harassment or bullying of people because of how they identify or present is wrong.
Sometimes, it can feel difficult or complex to understand gender and you might worry about getting it wrong, but there are actions you can take like doing research on websites like Gendered Intelligence and Stonewall about trans and non-binary identities, talking to people about gender, not making assumptions based on what people look like, and trying to be sensitive and inclusive.
Gender identity
Gender refers to the way in which a person feels and thinks about themselves, and the way they dress, speak or move. This can be different to the ‘sex’ they were given at birth.
The way you feel about your gender is called your gender identity.
Watch this video from the Proud Trust in which young people talk about identity, coming out, language and school.
Gender identity
When people think of “gender”, they often think about body parts, clothes or how a person looks and acts. But we also have a gender identity. This is the gender that we identify with, the gender that we know ourselves to be and it is part of our internal sense of self.
You can’t tell another person’s gender just by looking at them. The only person who can really know your gender is you.
Everyone is unique and has their own style and presentation. This is called gender expression. You don’t have to fit a stereotype of what you think a man or a woman should look like.
Your gender identity is about who you are, your sense of self; your sexuality/sexual orientation is about who you are attracted to.
Gender Dysphoria
When you are born, it’s decided whether you’re a boy or a girl, based on the way your body looks. But for some people, looks can be deceiving and they’re given the wrong gender.
So ‘gender dysphoria’ is the uncomfortable feeling some people get when their gender is different from the one they were given at birth.
No matter how someone’s body looks, they might identify as male, female or non-binary. Non-binary is an umbrella term for individuals whose gender identity doesn’t sit comfortably with ‘man’ or ‘woman’. Non-binary people can feel that their gender identity and gender experience involves being both a man and a woman, or that it is fluid, in between, or completely outside of that binary.
If your gender identity matches the one you were given at birth that’s called “cisgender”.
Words used to describe gender identity
The Proud Trust have put together some of the words people may use to describe their gender identity. You should not feel under any pressure to assign yourself a “label”.
Bigender
A person who feels they have two gender identities – this could be at the same time or at different times.
Cis/Cisgender
A person whose gender is the same or mostly the same as they were assigned at birth.
Demigender
An umbrella term for non-binary identities that have a partial connection to a certain gender. Demiboy: A gender identity that is both male and genderless. Demigirl: A gender identity that is both female and genderless.
Gender Fluid
A person who feels that their gender is not static and that it changes throughout their life – this could be on a daily/weekly/monthly basis.
Gender neutral/Agender
A person who does not identify with any gender.
Non-binary
An umbrella term for gender identities which are not confined by the gender binary of “women” and “men”. Non-binary people may identify with no gender at all or with more than one gender.
Polygender
A person that has several gender identities. This can mean they have them at the same time, or that they often switch between them at different times.
Queer
Some people use it as a collective term for LGBT+ people, and some use it to explain their gender, sexual or political identity. Some people still use this word as an insult – this is LGBTphobia and should be challenged.
Questioning
A person who is uncertain about and/or exploring their own sexual orientation (and/or gender identity).
Trans/Transgender
A person whose gender identity is in some way different to the gender they were assigned at birth.
Pronouns
Pronouns are words used to refer to someone when their name isn’t used. They usually suggest a person’s gender, although some people prefer, or identify with, neutral pronouns such as they or them.
What is your pronoun? You have the right to be called by the pronoun you feel most comfortable with.
You should check with people to ask what their pronoun is and not assume!
Support for trans and gender diverse people
These services offer great resources, helplines, support groups, forums and web chats.
Gendered Intelligence is a registered charity that exists to increase understandings of gender diversity and improve trans people's quality of life.
They believe that everyone can be intelligent about gender.
Check out their website here.
Mermaids
Mermaids has been supporting transgender, nonbinary and gender-diverse children, young people, and their families since 1995.
Mermaids supports transgender, nonbinary and gender-diverse children and young people until their 20th birthday, as well as their families and professionals involved in their care. They also currently offer web chat support to students up to the age of 25.
Visit their website here.
General Support and Advice
The following organisations helped provide content for this page and they will be able provide support and advice on other LGBT+ related topics.
Brook operates a number of sexual health and wellbeing services across the UK and they are committed to supporting young people.
They offer advice on many different areas related to LGBT+ and below you can some example pages:
The Proud Trust is a life saving and life enhancing organisation that helps LGBT+ young people empower themselves, to make a positive change for themselves, and their communities.
To find out more about their work, as well as all the lovely people and partner organisations that help make all this happen, visit their website.
LGBT+ information, support and advice
This section has been developed to offer support, information and signpost LGBT+ individuals to advice and support services.
If you know of any LGBT+ support services for young people in your local area across the North East and North Cumbria that you would like us to promote, please send it via the feedback link
General LGBT+ advice and support
The Proud Trust
The Proud Trust is a life saving and life enhancing organisation that helps LGBT+ young people empower themselves, to make a positive change for themselves, and their communities.
To find out more about their work, as well as all the lovely people and partner organisations that help make all this happen, visit their website.
Telephone number: 0161 660 3347
Email: info@theproudtrust.org
Social Media: Facebook and Instagram
LGBT Foundation
LGBT Foundation exists to support the needs of the diverse range of people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans. They believe in a fair and equal society where all LGBT people can achieve their full potential. #EqualityWins underpins much of what they do and they aim to be; ‘here if you need us.’
Each year, they serve over 40,000 people, achieving an average 98% satisfaction rating, as well as providing information to over 600,000 individuals online.
They support LGBT people to increase their skills, knowledge and self-confidence to improve and maintain their health and wellbeing.
Working together, they are changing LGBT lives for the better and securing a safe, equal and healthy future for all LGBT people.
Visit their website here.
Telephone: 0345 3 30 30 30
Social media: Facebook and Instagram
Stonewall
At Stonewall, they stand for lesbian, gay, bi, trans, queer, questioning and ace (LGBTQ+) people everywhere. They imagine a world where all LGBTQ+ people are free to be ourselves and can live our lives to the full.
Visit their website here.
Telephone number: 0800 0502020
Social media: Facebook and Instagram
Mental Health Support
Mental health problems such as depression or self-harm can affect any of us, but they're more common among people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans (LGBT).
This may be linked to LGBT people's experience of discrimination, homophobia or transphobia, bullying, social isolation, or rejection because of their sexuality.
Other things, such as their age, religion, where they live, and their ethnicity can add extra complications to an already difficult situation.
When to get help
Do not suffer in silence. You should get help as soon as you feel you need it. It's never too late to get help, no matter how big or small your problems might seem.
You could benefit from a talking therapy if you:
- feel tired or lack energy
- feel tearful
- shut yourself away from people
- no longer want to do things you used to enjoy
- use alcohol or drugs to help you cope with your feelings
- harm yourself or have thoughts about self-harming
- think about suicide
If you're struggling to cope right now, contact Samaritans:
- call 116 123 (open 24 hours, every day)
- email jo@samaritans.org
Other places which offer support and advice
- Speak to a GP: they'll know what help is available locally and can help you decide which treatment is best for you
- LGBT Foundation: The LGBT Foundation offers information, advice, and support services, including a Talking Therapies Programme to LGBT people.
- Stonewall: Find LGBT mental health services near you using Stonewall's "What's in my area?" search box.
LGBT+ North East - Waythrough supporting young LGBT+ people aged 11-25 and their families in County Durham, Sunderland and South Tyneside.
Sexuality / sexual orientation
A person’s sexuality, or sexual orientation, is the part of their identity that relates to who they find attractive/who they fancy.
Although it’s in the name, the attraction to other people does not have to be sexual, it could be romantic.
Some people are attracted to a particular gender/genders, some people are attracted to who the person is (their morals, values, humour, intelligence, etc.), and for some it’s a combination of the two.
Finding out your sexual orientation
It can feel quite daunting to step back and ask yourself “Am I straight/gay/etc.?”. But you are the only person that is able to answer that question.
Nothing has “caused” you to feel this way and there is nothing wrong or weird about the way you are feeling. However, what you are feeling is completely valid and you shouldn’t put yourself under pressure to figure out your sexuality immediately. Take the time to explore your feelings and reflect on how you are feeling – it will be difficult to understand them if you ignore them.
You might find it helpful to talk to other people who have gone through or are going through the process of questioning their sexuality. You can meet other LGBT+ young people at your nearest LGBT+ youth group or you can talk to a trusted adult using our Proud Connections chat service.
‘Coming out’ is when someone tells someone else about their LGBT+ identity. In relation to sexuality, this means telling someone that you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, or any other sexuality which isn’t straight. See more on coming out here.
Do not feel any pressure to “label” your identity but take the time to explore it. If you do choose to label your sexuality, be aware that later you might choose to change how you describe yourself; this is completely normal, and many other people do this too as they come to better understand their feelings.
Ways people describe their sexuality
The Proud Trust put together some of the words people may use to describe their sexuality as seen below. You should not feel any pressure to assign yourself a “label”.
Allosexual
A person of any gender or sexual orientation who experiences sexual attraction
Aromantic
A person of any gender or sexual orientation who experiences little, or no, romantic attraction. Aromantic people may still experience other types of attraction, such as sexual or physical attraction
Asexual
A person of any gender or sexual orientation who experiences little, or no, sexual attraction. Asexual people may still experience other types of attraction, such as physical or romantic attraction
Biromantic
A person who experiences romantic attraction to more than one gender but little or no sexual attraction
Bisexual
A person of any gender who experiences attraction to people of their own gender and other genders
Demisexual
A person who only experiences sexual attraction to people they have a close emotional connection with
Gay
Traditionally this word has meant a man who is attracted to other men but today, people of other genders use this word too, so the word gay describes a person who is attracted to other people of the same gender
Heterosexual/straight
A person who is attracted to people of a different gender
Lesbian
A woman who is attracted to other women
Pansexual
A person of any gender who is attracted to people of all genders
Queer
Some people use it as a collective term for LGBT+ people, and some use it to explain their gender, sexual or political identity. Some people still use this word as an insult – this is LGBTphobia and should be challenged
Questioning
A person who is uncertain about and/or exploring their own sexual orientation (and/or gender identity)
Support and Advice
The following organisations helped provide content for this page and they will be able provide support and advice on other LGBT+ related topics.
Healthy lives for young people
Brook operates a number of sexual health and wellbeing services across the UK and they are committed to supporting young people.
They offer advice on many different areas related to LGBT+ and below is their page on sexuality:
The Proud Trust is a life saving and life enhancing organisation that helps LGBT+ young people empower themselves, to make a positive change for themselves, and their communities.
To find out more about their work, as well as all the lovely people and partner organisations that help make all this happen, visit their website.
Mental Health
Dealing with your sexuality can be a stressful experience and here are some of our mental health pages:
Self care and Prevention
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Related Conditions
Further Information
