Families

Divorce, separation, and conflict can lead to family breakdown, which can be stressful and emotional. If your parents are splitting up, you might feel caught in the middle or uncertain about your future. Family breakdown can affect every member in different ways, and it is important to recognize your emotions and seek support when needed.

Common Causes of Family Breakdown:

• Divorce or Separation: Parents deciding to end their relationship due to irreconcilable differences.
• Parental Conflict: Constant arguing and disagreements that create a stressful home environment.
• Financial Problems: Economic hardship can put pressure on relationships and lead to breakdowns.
• Loss of a Parent: The death of a parent or caregiver can shift family dynamics significantly.
• Addiction or Mental Health Issues: A parent struggling with substance abuse or mental health conditions may impact the stability of the home.

Effects of Family Breakdown:

• Emotional Impact: Feelings of guilt, sadness, anger, confusion, or even relief, depending on the situation.
• Changes in Living Arrangements: You may have to move between different households, adjust to new step-parents, or relocate to a new home or city.
• Financial Struggles: A change in family income or loss of financial support from one parent can affect lifestyle and opportunities.
• Relationship Strains: Conflicts may arise between parents, siblings, or extended family members, making interactions stressful.
• Impact on Mental Health: Increased stress and anxiety about the future, school performance, or social life.

How to Cope with Family Breakdown:

• Accept Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel a range of emotions—anger, sadness, confusion, or even relief. Recognizing these emotions is the first step to processing them.
• Talk to Someone: Share your feelings with a friend, school counselor, teacher, or therapist. Bottling up emotions can make things worse.
• Avoid Taking Sides: It might be tempting to align with one parent over the other, but try to maintain healthy relationships with both if it is safe to do so.
• Focus on Stability: Keep up with your hobbies, school, and personal interests to maintain a sense of normalcy.
• Know It’s Not Your Fault: Parents’ decisions to separate or divorce are based on their own issues and are never the fault of the child.
• Ask for Practical Support: If financial or living situations change, speak to a trusted adult about what help is available to you.

How to Support Younger Siblings:

• Be There for Them: Younger siblings may feel lost or scared during a family breakdown. Providing reassurance and answering their questions (as much as you can) can help them feel secure.
• Encourage Open Conversations: Let them express their feelings, even if they don’t fully understand what’s happening.
• Set a Good Example: Your siblings may look up to you, so try to remain positive and show them that life can still be enjoyable despite changes at home.

Dealing with Parents Moving On:

• Accepting a New Partner: If one or both parents start dating or remarry, it can feel like a big adjustment. Give yourself time to process your feelings and try to get to know the new partner.
• Managing Step-Sibling Relationships: If your family merges with another, try to approach new siblings with an open mind and patience.
• Setting Boundaries: Let your parents know what makes you uncomfortable about changes in the family dynamic so they can understand your perspective.

Resources:

• Relate – Offers relationship and family counseling.
• YoungMinds  – Provides mental health support for young people dealing with stress and anxiety.
• Childline – Offers confidential advice and emotional support for young people.
• Gingerbread - Provides support for single-parent families.

If you help take care of a parent or another family member due to illness, disability, or addiction, you are a young carer. This role can be rewarding, as you develop responsibility and deep connections with your loved one, but it can also be emotionally and physically exhausting.

Signs You Are a Young Carer:

• Helping with personal care, such as bathing, dressing, or feeding a parent or family member.
• Taking responsibility for household chores, cooking, or managing bills.
• Providing emotional support to a parent struggling with a mental health condition.
• Translating or communicating for a family member who has difficulty speaking or understanding English.
• Taking care of younger siblings because a parent is unable to do so.
• Feeling isolated from friends and struggling with school due to caring responsibilities.

Challenges of Being a Young Carer:

• Emotional stress: Feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities and worried about your parent’s well-being.
• Physical exhaustion: Balancing schoolwork with caregiving can be tiring.
• Social isolation: Finding it difficult to spend time with friends or engage in hobbies.
• Lack of academic support: Struggling to complete homework or attend school regularly due to caregiving duties.
• Guilt or anxiety: Feeling guilty about taking time for yourself or worrying about what will happen if you’re not home.

How to Cope and Get Support:

• Talk to someone you trust. A teacher, school counselor, or family friend can provide guidance and emotional support.
• Join a young carers’ group. Connecting with other young carers can help you feel less alone and provide opportunities for support and friendship.
• Know your rights. Schools and local authorities can offer additional support, such as flexible homework deadlines and financial assistance.
• Take breaks and practice self-care. Even small moments of relaxation can help reduce stress—listen to music, go for a walk, or journal your thoughts.
• Seek professional help if needed. If caring responsibilities are affecting your mental health, speaking to a therapist or counselor can help.

Resources for Young Carers:

• Carers Trust  – Provides advice, support, and funding for young carers.
• Young Carers – Offers online forums, helplines, and resources for young carers.
• The Children's Society  – Provides support and advocacy for young carers across the UK.
• Barnardo’s Young Carers Service  – Offers practical and emotional support for young carers.

If you’re part of a military family, you might experience frequent moves, long periods without seeing a parent, or the stress of having a loved one deployed. Military families often face unique challenges that can impact both emotional well-being and day-to-day life.

Challenges You Might Face:

• Frequent Relocations: Moving every few years can mean adjusting to new schools, making new friends, and adapting to different environments.
• Parental Deployment: A parent being stationed overseas or deployed for long periods can create feelings of separation, loneliness, or anxiety about their safety.
• Emotional Stress: The uncertainty of military life can cause stress, particularly if there are sudden changes to living situations or plans.
• Lack of Stability: Having to rebuild friendships and routines repeatedly can be exhausting.
• Cultural Adjustments: If your family is posted to another country, adapting to new customs, languages, and ways of life can be challenging.

How to Cope:

• Stay Connected: Use video calls, letters, and social media to stay in touch with a deployed parent or long-distance friends.
• Find a Support Network: Seek out military family support groups where you can talk to other teens in similar situations.
• Talk About Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel sad, frustrated, or anxious. Speak to a family member, teacher, or counselor about your emotions.
• Maintain Routines: Keeping up with schoolwork, hobbies, and extracurricular activities can provide a sense of stability.
• Be Open to Making New Friends: Even though moving can be tough, try to embrace new experiences and friendships in different locations.
• Prepare for Change: Having an open mindset and preparing mentally for possible relocations can make transitions easier.

Benefits of Being in a Military Family:

• Resilience and Adaptability: Learning to adjust to different situations and environments can help you develop strong coping skills.
• Opportunities to Travel: Living in different places can expose you to new cultures, experiences, and perspectives.
• Strong Sense of Community: Military families often support each other, creating a close-knit and understanding environment.
• Educational Support: Many military support organizations offer scholarships, grants, and special programs for military children.

Resources:

• SSAFA – Provides support for military families, including emotional well-being and financial assistance.
• Little Troopers – A charity supporting children of military families through events, resources, and community programs.
• The Royal British Legion – Offers financial, emotional, and practical support to service families and veterans.
• MOD Army Families Federation – Provides information and advocacy for families of army personnel.
• Military Child Education Coalition (MCEC) – Helps with educational support for military children moving between schools.

Domestic abuse isn’t just physical violence—it can include emotional, financial, and psychological control. Abuse can happen in any family, and it can affect anyone regardless of age, gender, or background. If you or someone you know is living in a home with abuse, it’s important to seek help.

Types of Abuse:

• Physical Abuse: Hitting, slapping, kicking, choking, pushing, or other forms of physical violence that cause harm or fear.
• Emotional and Psychological Abuse: Name-calling, manipulation, threats, intimidation, gaslighting, and making someone feel worthless or powerless.
• Financial Abuse: Controlling money, preventing someone from working, or taking financial resources away to make them dependent.
• Sexual Abuse: Any form of forced or unwanted sexual contact, harassment, or coercion.
• Coercive Control: Extreme regulation of your actions, friendships, or freedom, such as limiting who you talk to, where you go, or what you wear.
• Technological Abuse: Using social media, tracking devices, or online harassment to intimidate or monitor someone without their consent.

Signs You or Someone You Know May Be Experiencing Domestic Abuse:

• Feeling scared or anxious around a family member.
• Constantly being criticized, humiliated, or made to feel worthless.
• Having no control over personal decisions, money, or friendships.
• Witnessing violence between parents or other family members.
• Being isolated from friends and support systems.

Impact of Domestic Abuse on Young People: 

Growing up in an abusive household can have serious emotional and psychological effects on children and teenagers, including:

• Anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
• Trouble forming healthy relationships.
• Struggles with schoolwork or focus due to stress at home.
• Risk of developing unhealthy coping mechanisms like self-harm or substance abuse.
• Feeling responsible for the abuse or believing it is "normal" in relationships.

What You Can Do if You Are Affected:

• Recognize That It’s Not Your Fault: Abuse is never the victim’s fault, and no one deserves to be treated that way.
• Talk to Someone You Trust: Confide in a teacher, school counselor, family friend, or helpline who can help you find support.
• Create a Safety Plan: If you’re in immediate danger, know where you can go for help (a friend’s house, a teacher, a trusted adult).
• Keep Important Contacts Saved: Have emergency contacts stored in your phone or written down in case you need to reach out quickly.
• Reach Out for Professional Support: There are organizations dedicated to helping young people in abusive situations.

Resources:

• Refuge – Offers confidential support for people experiencing domestic abuse.
• National Domestic Abuse Helpline  – Provides free and confidential support 24/7.
• Women’s Aid  – Supports women and young people affected by domestic abuse.
• Men’s Advice Line – Support for male victims of domestic abuse.
• Childline – A safe space to talk about any worries or fears.

Honour-based violence (HBV) happens when someone in a family is hurt or punished because they are perceived to have brought “shame” upon their family or community. This can include forced marriage, physical violence, emotional abuse, and even extreme cases such as murder. HBV is most commonly linked to cultural or religious beliefs about family honour and control over personal choices, but it is a violation of human rights and is against the law in many countries.

Forms of Honour-Based Violence:

• Forced Marriage: Being pressured, coerced, or threatened into marrying someone against your will.
• Physical Abuse: Beatings, confinement, or other acts of violence to force compliance with family expectations.
• Emotional and Psychological Abuse: Threats, humiliation, blackmail, or extreme pressure to conform to cultural or religious expectations.
• Social Isolation: Being cut off from friends, school, or the outside world as a means of control.
• Extreme Cases: In some tragic instances, HBV can result in serious injury or even so-called "honour killings."

Warning Signs That You May Be at Risk:

• Family members restricting your behavior, such as controlling your clothing, social life, or education choices.
• Threats of harm if you refuse to obey family expectations regarding relationships or marriage.
• Fear of being sent abroad for a marriage or other purposes against your will.
• Sudden withdrawal from school, social activities, or online interactions due to family pressure.
• A sibling or relative having gone through a forced marriage or similar situation.

What You Can Do:

• Trust Your Instincts: If you feel unsafe, your concerns are valid. Honour-based violence is serious, and help is available.
• Talk to Someone You Trust: A teacher, school counselor, trusted friend, or support worker can help you plan how to stay safe.
• Seek Legal Protection: Laws against forced marriage and HBV exist in many countries, and the police or specialist organizations can help protect you.
• Have a Safety Plan: If you think you are at immediate risk, identify a safe place to go and people you can call for help.
• Never Travel Abroad Under Pressure: If you suspect you may be taken abroad for a forced marriage or other abusive purposes, seek help before travel.

Resources:

• Karma Nirvana  – A specialist charity supporting victims of honour-based violence and forced marriage.
• Forced Marriage Unit – UK government support and legal protection for those at risk of forced marriage.
• Freedom Charity  – Provides support, education, and protection against honour-based abuse.
• Childline – Confidential support for young people experiencing family abuse.
• The Halo Project  – Works with victims of HBV, forced marriage, and FGM (female genital mutilation).

You may have moments when you feel frustrated with your parents or guardians, but if your anger turns into aggression—whether physical, emotional, or verbal - it can be harmful to both you and your family. Adolescent-to-parent violence (APV) is a real issue that can strain relationships and make home life difficult. This type of behavior can cause lasting emotional damage, making it harder to maintain healthy relationships in the future.

Signs of APV:

• Shouting, name-calling, or threatening parents
• Physically hurting a parent (hitting, pushing, breaking things)
• Controlling or manipulating them through intimidation
• Emotional blackmail, such as threatening to harm yourself if they don’t do what you want
• Destroying household property as a way of expressing frustration or anger
• Ignoring or dismissing a parent’s feelings to gain control over situations

Causes and Triggers:

• Stress and Pressure: School demands, social issues, or family problems can create overwhelming stress, leading to anger and aggression.
• Mental Health Issues: Anxiety, depression, ADHD, and other conditions can make it harder to regulate emotions and reactions.
• Learned Behavior: If you have witnessed domestic violence or aggressive behavior in the home, it may seem like an acceptable way to express frustration.
• Lack of Boundaries: Sometimes, unclear family roles or lenient parenting can lead to a lack of respect for parental authority.
• Substance Abuse: The use of drugs or alcohol can lead to impulsive and aggressive behavior.
• Unresolved Trauma: Previous experiences of neglect, abuse, or bullying can contribute to difficulties in controlling emotions.

Effects of APV on Families:

• Parents may feel frightened, powerless, or ashamed, leading to emotional distress.
• Siblings may experience anxiety, fear, or even become victims of the violence themselves.
• Family relationships may break down, resulting in separation or external intervention (e.g., social services involvement).
• The adolescent may face consequences such as legal action, school disciplinary measures, or mental health struggles.

What You Can Do:

• Recognise when you are feeling angry and find healthier ways to cope, like exercise, journaling, or talking to a trusted friend.
• Learn anger management techniques, such as deep breathing, counting to ten, or stepping away from a heated situation before reacting.
• Communicate openly with your parents about your emotions and frustrations in a respectful way.
• Seek counseling or therapy to help manage emotions and behaviors. There are professionals who specialize in adolescent behavior and family relationships.
• Take responsibility for your actions. If you recognize that your behavior is hurting your family, making an effort to change is a step in the right direction.
• Talk to a trusted adult if you feel out of control or if the violence is escalating. This could be a teacher, school counselor, or family friend.
• Understand that conflicts with parents are normal, but violence is never an acceptable way to resolve them.

Resources:

• Family Lives  – Offers support and advice for families experiencing conflict.
• YoungMinds  – Provides mental health support for young people struggling with emotions.
• The NSPCC  – Offers support for young people experiencing or causing violence in the home.
• The Respect Phoneline  – A service for young people concerned about their behavior towards family members.
• Relate ) – Provides family therapy and relationship support.