Supporting someone who is Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding is something that you and your partner can do together as a team. Your knowledge, enthusiasm, and support can be vital in the first few weeks as your partner learns how to breastfeed. Your support (practical and emotional) can also help them to manage and overcome any difficulties they may experience while breastfeeding.
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When should you worry?
Newborn
NEWBORN
Contact your health visitor or GP if your baby is newborn and they…
- Feel very stiff, for example:
- Hold their arms and legs in the same position, such as always pulling their arm into their chest, or always crossing their legs
- Find it difficult to change their position on their own
- You may also find it difficult to move your baby’s arms or legs, making it tricky to change their nappy or clothes
- Feel very floppy, or have floppy arms or legs when awake
- Move their arms and legs in repetitive jerky movements, or writhing movements
- Don’t have a Grasp Reflex (doesn’t grab your finger or small object when you put it in their hand)
- Are often startling and you cannot understand why
- Move one side of their body more than the other, for example:
- Rarely moves one of their arms compared to the other arm
- Rarely moves one leg compared to the other leg
- When your baby startles, one side moves or looks different from the other
6-8 weeks
6-8 WEEKS
Contact your health visitor or GP if your baby is 6-8 weeks and they…
- Feel very stiff, for example:
- Hold their arms and legs in the same position, such as always pulling their arm into their chest, or always crossing their legs
- Find it difficult to change their position on their own
- You may also find it difficult to move your baby’s arms or legs, making it tricky to change their nappy or clothes
- Feel very floppy, or have floppy arms or legs when awake
- Move their arms and legs in repetitive jerky movements, or writhing movements
- Have not started to bring both their hands to their face, or do not move their arms much
- Keep their hands fisted, and you find it difficult to open their hands
- Can’t lift their head when lying on their tummy
- Move one side of their body more than the other, for example:
- Mostly moves one arm or mostly brings one hand to their face
- Rarely kicks or moves one leg compared to the other leg
2-3 months
2-3 MONTHS
Contact your health visitor or GP if your baby is 2-3 months and they…
- Feel very stiff, for example:
- Hold their arms and legs in the same position, such as always pulling their arm into their chest, or always crossing their legs
- Find it difficult to change their position on their own
- You may also find it difficult to move your baby’s arms or legs, making it tricky to change their nappy or clothes
- Feel very floppy, or have floppy arms or legs when awake
- Move their arms and legs in repetitive jerky movements, or writhing movements
- Have not started to bring both their hands to their face, or do not move their arms much
- Keep their hands fisted, and you find it difficult to open their hands
- Can’t lift their head when lying on their tummy
- Move one side of their body more than the other, for example:
- Mostly moves one arm or mostly brings one hand to their face
- Rarely kicks or moves one leg compared to the other leg
3-4 months
3-4 MONTHS
Contact your health visitor or GP if your baby is 3-4 months and they…
- Have lost skills which they could do before
- Feel very stiff, for example:
- Hold their arms and legs in the same position, such as always pulling their arm to their chest, or always crossing their legs
- Find it difficult to change their position on their own
- You find it difficult to move your baby’s arms or legs, making it tricky to change their nappy or clothes
- Feel very floppy when awake
- Prefer to keep their arms by their sides. For example, they do not reach for things, or do not bring their hands together over their face or tummy
- Move their arms or legs in repetitive, jerky, or strange ways
- Still need you to support their head, or can’t lift their head when lying on their tummy
- Have very tight fists and it’s hard to open their hand
- Move one side of their body more than the other, for example:
- Rarely use one of their arms to pick up toys
- Rarely kick one leg compared to the other
4-6 months
4-6 MONTHS
Contact your health visitor or GP if your baby is 4-6 months and they…
- Have lost skills which they could do before
- Feel very stiff, for example:
- Hold their arms and legs in the same position, such as always pulling their arm to their chest, or always crossing their legs
- Find it difficult to change their position on their own
- You find it difficult to move your baby’s arms or legs, making it tricky to change their nappy or clothes
- Feel very floppy when they are awake
- Move their arms or legs in repetitive, jerky, or strange ways
- Move one side of their body more than the other, for example:
- Rarely use one of their arms to pick up toys
- Rarely kick one leg compared to the other
- Are unable to roll, or can roll in one direction but not the other
- Find it difficult to reach their arms out. For example, they do not reach for toys
- Still have their early reflexes, like the startle reflex and grasp reflex
- Keep their legs flat when lying on their back. For example, they do not bring their feet to their chest
- Still need you to support their head
6-9 months
6-9 MONTHS
Contact your health visitor or GP if your baby is 6-9 months and they…
- Have lost skills which they could do before
- Feel very stiff, for example:
- Hold their arms and legs in the same position, such as always pulling their arm to their chest, or always crossing their legs
- Find it difficult to change their position on their own
- You find it difficult to move your baby’s arms or legs, making it tricky to change their nappy or clothes
- Feel very floppy when they are awake
- Move their arms or legs in repetitive, jerky or strange ways
- Move one side of their body more than the other, for example:
- Rarely use one of their arms to pick up toys, or eat and drink
- Rarely kick one leg compared to the other
- Can’t sit without support. For example, they lean on their hand, or, when they sit, their back is very curved
- Still have their early reflexes, like the startle reflex and grasp reflex
- Keep their legs flat when lying on their back, for example, do not bring their feet to their chest
- Still need you to support their head
- Still need you to help turn their head when lying on their back
- Can’t crawl, or find it hard, for example, drags one of their legs behind them
- Find it difficult to stand, for example:
- Can’t stand with support
- Doesn’t try to pull themselves up to stand
- Can’t move a toy from one hand to the other
- Doesn’t use both hands to hold larger things
9-12 months
9-12 MONTHS
Contact your health visitor or GP if your baby is 9-12 months and they…
- Have lost skills which they could do before
- Feel very stiff, for example:
- Hold their arms and legs in the same position, such as always pulling their arm to their chest, or always crossing their legs
- Find it difficult to change their position on their own
- You find it difficult to move your baby’s arms or legs, making it tricky to change their nappy or clothes
- Feel very floppy when they are awake
- Move their arms and legs in repetitive, jerky, or strange ways
- Use one side of their body more than the other, for example:
- Lean to the side when they sit
- Use one arm to pull to stand more than the other
- Rarely use one of their arms to pick up toys, or eat and drink.
- Rarely kick one leg compared to the other
- Find it difficult to sit, for example:
- Only sit with support
- Lean on their hand when sitting
- When they sit their back is very curved
- Can’t move a toy from one hand to the other
- Don’t use both hands to hold larger things
- Don’t point to objects
- Can’t crawl, or find it hard, for example, drags one leg behind them
- Find it difficult to stand, for example:
- Can’t pull themselves up to stand
- Find it hard to pull themselves up. For example, they only use their arms and don’t push with their legs
- Can’t stand with support
2 months
Your Baby By Two Months
Social/Emotional Milestones
- Calms down when spoken to or picked up
- Looks at your face
- Seems happy to see you when you walk up to her
- Smiles when you talk to or smile at her
Language/Communication Milestones
- Makes sounds other than crying
- Reacts to loud sounds
Cognitive Milestones (learning, thinking, problem-solving)
- Watches you as you move
- Looks at a toy for several seconds
Movement/Physical Development Milestones
- Holds head up when on tummy
- Moves both arms and both legs
- Opens hands briefly
4 months
Your Baby By Four Months
Social/Emotional Milestones
- Smiles on his own to get your attention
- Chuckles (not yet a full laugh) when you try to make him laugh
- Looks at you, moves, or makes sounds to get or keep your attention
Language/Communication Milestones
- Makes sounds like “oooo”, “aahh” (cooing)
- Makes sounds back when you talk to him
- Turns head towards the sound of your voice
Cognitive Milestones (learning, thinking, problem-solving
- If hungry, opens mouth when he sees breast or bottle
- Looks at her hands with interest
Movement/Physical Development Milestones
- Holds head steady without support when you are holding him
- Holds a toy when you put it in his hand
- Uses his arm to swing at toys
- Brings hands to mouth
- Pushes up onto elbows/forearms when on tummy
6 months
Your Baby By Six Months
Social/Emotional Milestones
- Knows familiar people
- Likes to look at self in a mirror
- Laughs
Language/Communication Milestones
- Takes turns making sounds with you
- Blows “raspberries” (sticks tongue out and blows)
- Makes squealing noises
Cognitive Milestones (learning, thinking, problem-solving)
- Puts things in her mouth to explore them
- Reaches to grab a toy she wants
- Closes lips to show she doesn’t want more food
Movement/Physical Development Milestones
- Rolls from tummy to back
- Pushes up with straight arms when on tummy
- Leans on hands to support herself when sitting
9 months
Your Baby By Nine Months
Social/Emotional Milestones
- Is shy, clingy, or fearful around strangers
- Shows several facial expressions, like happy, sad, angry, and surprised
- Looks when you call her name
- Reacts when you leave (looks, reaches for you, or cries)
- Smiles or laughs when you play peek-a-boo
Language/Communication Milestones
- Makes a lot of different sounds like “mamamama” and “bababababa”
- Lifts arms up to be picked up
Cognitive Milestones (learning, thinking, problem-solving)
- Looks for objects when dropped out of sight (like his spoon or toy)
- Bangs two things together
Movement/Physical Development Milestones
- Gets to a sitting position by herself
- Moves things from one hand to her other hand
- Uses fingers to “rake” food towards himself
- Sits without support
1 year
Your Baby By One Year
Social/Emotional Milestones
- Plays games with you, like pat-a-cake
Language/Communication Milestones
- Waves “bye-bye”
- Calls a parent “mama” or “dada” or another special name
- Understands “no” (pauses briefly or stops when you say it)
Cognitive Milestones (learning, thinking, problem-solving)
- Puts something in a container, like a block in a cup
- Looks for things he sees you hide, like a toy under a blanket
Movement/Physical Development Milestones
- Pulls up to stand
- Walks, holding on to furniture
- Drinks from a cup without a lid, as you hold it
- Picks things up between thumb and pointer finger, like small bits of food
RED
RED
AMBER
AMBER
AMBER
AMBER
Green
Green
Advice and Guidance
How you can help your partner with breastfeeding
There are many ways in which you can support your partner with breastfeeding, including:
- making sure healthy food and drinks (especially water) are readily available (offering to cut up your partner’s food into manageable pieces so they can eat while breastfeeding may also be helpful)
- making sure your partner has time to do things they need to do during the day like have a shower, rest, or have a nap
- limiting the number of visitors, you have in the first few weeks (this will allow you to have some peaceful uninterrupted time together to bond with your baby)
- looking after older siblings
- offering words of praise and encouragement
- keeping them company during feeds (this can be a good opportunity to take time to talk and listen to each other)
- looking for your baby’s feeding cues (your baby may suck their fists, root (open their mouth as though they are about to breastfeed) or turn their head from side-to-side when they are getting ready for a feed)
- knowing the different feeding positions so you are able to help your partner position and attach your baby effectively
- making the most of your parental leave at a time that suits you and your family (for more information about this, please visit: www.gov.uk/browse/childcare-parenting/financial-help-children)
- being involved in caring for your baby in other ways (this may include dressing, bathing, or changing your baby’s nappy)
- doing daily chores (such as shopping, laundry, preparing meals, washing up, cleaning the kitchen, tidying, and vacuuming).
Support from Health Professionals
If you or your partner would like more support with breastfeeding, please speak to your midwife or a member of your health visiting team. They can refer you to specialist infant feeding teams and breastfeeding peer support groups within your area.
If you or your partner are feeling worried, tired, or overwhelmed, or you have any concerns about low mood or anxiety, please contact your midwife, health visitor, or GP for advice.
Friends and Family
As a close friend or family member, you can help with breastfeeding by offering both practical and emotional support.
For example, you could offer to:
- help with daily chores (such as shopping, laundry, preparing meals, washing up, cleaning the kitchen, tidying, and vacuuming)
- take the baby out for a walk in the fresh air
- look after older siblings
For more ideas on how you can help with breastfeeding, please see the ‘How you can help your partner with breastfeeding’ section above.
Support for transgender, non-binary and same-sex parents
If you are in a same-sex relationship or if you are an intended parent (you did not physically give birth to your baby), you may feel left out, especially if you have to explain your relationship with your baby. Finding support for yourself and your partner is important.
You do not need to have given birth to your baby to breastfeed or chestfeed. You can choose to breastfeed or chestfeed your baby if you so wish. For more information about this, please speak to your midwife or a member of your health visiting team. The following website also contains some useful information: www.laleche.org.uk/support-transgender-non-binary-parents
Bonding with your baby
It is also important to take time to bond with your baby. Babies are extremely sociable and have a strong need to be close to their parents. Holding, smiling, and talking to your baby will help them to feel secure and loved.
When babies feel secure, they release a hormone called oxytocin. This hormone supports their brain growth, helping them to be happy babies and confident children and adults.
We have included a few tips below to help you start bonding with your baby:
- Hold your baby on your chest to help them feel safe and relaxed.
- Move and sway while you are holding your baby. Most babies find a side-to-side motion soothing.
- Chat and play with your baby while you are changing their nappy or dressing them.
- Talk, read, and sing to your baby. They will love hearing your voice.
- Consider wearing a baby sling or a baby carrier when you take your baby out for a walk in the fresh air.
- Learn your baby’s cues, so you can recognize when they are overstimulated and need a break. For example, they may turn away from you or become fidgety.
- Keep your baby close to you so that you start to recognize their feeding cues. Responding to these feeding cues will make your baby feel safe.
- Have regular skin-to-skin time with your baby (cuddle them against your bare chest). This will allow them to familiarise themselves with your smell. Listening to your heartbeat will also comfort and calm them.
- Bath your baby or consider having skin-to-skin time in the bath with your baby.
- If you give your baby any expressed breast milk, hold them close during feeds and look into their eyes. For more information about paced bottle feeding, please visit: Guide to Bottle Feeding.
The tips above will also increase your oxytocin release, which will help you to feel calm and happy too.
For more information on bonding and responsive parenting, please watch Solent NHS Trust’s short video on responsive feeding: https://vimeo.com/555588759
Useful links
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