Sex and contraception
There are no rules about when to start having sex again after you have given birth.
You'll probably feel sore as well as tired after your baby is born, so don't rush into it. If sex hurts, it won't be pleasurable. You may want to use a personal lubricant, available from pharmacies, to begin with.
Hormonal changes after birth can make your vagina feel drier than usual. You may be worried about changes to your body or getting pregnant again. Men may worry about hurting their partner. It might be some time before you want to have sex. Until then, both of you can carry on being loving and close in other ways.
If you or your partner have any worries, talk about them together. You can talk with your health visitor or GP if you need some more help.
Tips for starting sex again after Birth
- If penetration hurts, say so. If you pretend that everything's all right when it isn't, you may start to see sex as a nuisance or unpleasant, rather than a pleasure. You can still give each other pleasure without penetration – for example, by mutual masturbation.
- Take it gently. Perhaps explore with your own fingers first to reassure yourself that sex won't hurt. Hormonal changes after childbirth may mean you may need to use lubricant to help make sex more comfortable.
- Make time to relax together. You're more likely to make love when your minds are on each other rather than other things.
- Get help if you need it. If you're still experiencing pain when you have your postnatal check, talk to your GP.
When should you worry?
Newborn
NEWBORN
Contact your health visitor or GP if your baby is newborn and they…
- Feel very stiff, for example:
- Hold their arms and legs in the same position, such as always pulling their arm into their chest, or always crossing their legs
- Find it difficult to change their position on their own
- You may also find it difficult to move your baby’s arms or legs, making it tricky to change their nappy or clothes
- Feel very floppy, or have floppy arms or legs when awake
- Move their arms and legs in repetitive jerky movements, or writhing movements
- Don’t have a Grasp Reflex (doesn’t grab your finger or small object when you put it in their hand)
- Are often startling and you cannot understand why
- Move one side of their body more than the other, for example:
- Rarely moves one of their arms compared to the other arm
- Rarely moves one leg compared to the other leg
- When your baby startles, one side moves or looks different from the other
6-8 weeks
6-8 WEEKS
Contact your health visitor or GP if your baby is 6-8 weeks and they…
- Feel very stiff, for example:
- Hold their arms and legs in the same position, such as always pulling their arm into their chest, or always crossing their legs
- Find it difficult to change their position on their own
- You may also find it difficult to move your baby’s arms or legs, making it tricky to change their nappy or clothes
- Feel very floppy, or have floppy arms or legs when awake
- Move their arms and legs in repetitive jerky movements, or writhing movements
- Have not started to bring both their hands to their face, or do not move their arms much
- Keep their hands fisted, and you find it difficult to open their hands
- Can’t lift their head when lying on their tummy
- Move one side of their body more than the other, for example:
- Mostly moves one arm or mostly brings one hand to their face
- Rarely kicks or moves one leg compared to the other leg
2-3 months
2-3 MONTHS
Contact your health visitor or GP if your baby is 2-3 months and they…
- Feel very stiff, for example:
- Hold their arms and legs in the same position, such as always pulling their arm into their chest, or always crossing their legs
- Find it difficult to change their position on their own
- You may also find it difficult to move your baby’s arms or legs, making it tricky to change their nappy or clothes
- Feel very floppy, or have floppy arms or legs when awake
- Move their arms and legs in repetitive jerky movements, or writhing movements
- Have not started to bring both their hands to their face, or do not move their arms much
- Keep their hands fisted, and you find it difficult to open their hands
- Can’t lift their head when lying on their tummy
- Move one side of their body more than the other, for example:
- Mostly moves one arm or mostly brings one hand to their face
- Rarely kicks or moves one leg compared to the other leg
3-4 months
3-4 MONTHS
Contact your health visitor or GP if your baby is 3-4 months and they…
- Have lost skills which they could do before
- Feel very stiff, for example:
- Hold their arms and legs in the same position, such as always pulling their arm to their chest, or always crossing their legs
- Find it difficult to change their position on their own
- You find it difficult to move your baby’s arms or legs, making it tricky to change their nappy or clothes
- Feel very floppy when awake
- Prefer to keep their arms by their sides. For example, they do not reach for things, or do not bring their hands together over their face or tummy
- Move their arms or legs in repetitive, jerky, or strange ways
- Still need you to support their head, or can’t lift their head when lying on their tummy
- Have very tight fists and it’s hard to open their hand
- Move one side of their body more than the other, for example:
- Rarely use one of their arms to pick up toys
- Rarely kick one leg compared to the other
4-6 months
4-6 MONTHS
Contact your health visitor or GP if your baby is 4-6 months and they…
- Have lost skills which they could do before
- Feel very stiff, for example:
- Hold their arms and legs in the same position, such as always pulling their arm to their chest, or always crossing their legs
- Find it difficult to change their position on their own
- You find it difficult to move your baby’s arms or legs, making it tricky to change their nappy or clothes
- Feel very floppy when they are awake
- Move their arms or legs in repetitive, jerky, or strange ways
- Move one side of their body more than the other, for example:
- Rarely use one of their arms to pick up toys
- Rarely kick one leg compared to the other
- Are unable to roll, or can roll in one direction but not the other
- Find it difficult to reach their arms out. For example, they do not reach for toys
- Still have their early reflexes, like the startle reflex and grasp reflex
- Keep their legs flat when lying on their back. For example, they do not bring their feet to their chest
- Still need you to support their head
6-9 months
6-9 MONTHS
Contact your health visitor or GP if your baby is 6-9 months and they…
- Have lost skills which they could do before
- Feel very stiff, for example:
- Hold their arms and legs in the same position, such as always pulling their arm to their chest, or always crossing their legs
- Find it difficult to change their position on their own
- You find it difficult to move your baby’s arms or legs, making it tricky to change their nappy or clothes
- Feel very floppy when they are awake
- Move their arms or legs in repetitive, jerky or strange ways
- Move one side of their body more than the other, for example:
- Rarely use one of their arms to pick up toys, or eat and drink
- Rarely kick one leg compared to the other
- Can’t sit without support. For example, they lean on their hand, or, when they sit, their back is very curved
- Still have their early reflexes, like the startle reflex and grasp reflex
- Keep their legs flat when lying on their back, for example, do not bring their feet to their chest
- Still need you to support their head
- Still need you to help turn their head when lying on their back
- Can’t crawl, or find it hard, for example, drags one of their legs behind them
- Find it difficult to stand, for example:
- Can’t stand with support
- Doesn’t try to pull themselves up to stand
- Can’t move a toy from one hand to the other
- Doesn’t use both hands to hold larger things
9-12 months
9-12 MONTHS
Contact your health visitor or GP if your baby is 9-12 months and they…
- Have lost skills which they could do before
- Feel very stiff, for example:
- Hold their arms and legs in the same position, such as always pulling their arm to their chest, or always crossing their legs
- Find it difficult to change their position on their own
- You find it difficult to move your baby’s arms or legs, making it tricky to change their nappy or clothes
- Feel very floppy when they are awake
- Move their arms and legs in repetitive, jerky, or strange ways
- Use one side of their body more than the other, for example:
- Lean to the side when they sit
- Use one arm to pull to stand more than the other
- Rarely use one of their arms to pick up toys, or eat and drink.
- Rarely kick one leg compared to the other
- Find it difficult to sit, for example:
- Only sit with support
- Lean on their hand when sitting
- When they sit their back is very curved
- Can’t move a toy from one hand to the other
- Don’t use both hands to hold larger things
- Don’t point to objects
- Can’t crawl, or find it hard, for example, drags one leg behind them
- Find it difficult to stand, for example:
- Can’t pull themselves up to stand
- Find it hard to pull themselves up. For example, they only use their arms and don’t push with their legs
- Can’t stand with support
2 months
Your Baby By Two Months
Social/Emotional Milestones
- Calms down when spoken to or picked up
- Looks at your face
- Seems happy to see you when you walk up to her
- Smiles when you talk to or smile at her
Language/Communication Milestones
- Makes sounds other than crying
- Reacts to loud sounds
Cognitive Milestones (learning, thinking, problem-solving)
- Watches you as you move
- Looks at a toy for several seconds
Movement/Physical Development Milestones
- Holds head up when on tummy
- Moves both arms and both legs
- Opens hands briefly
4 months
Your Baby By Four Months
Social/Emotional Milestones
- Smiles on his own to get your attention
- Chuckles (not yet a full laugh) when you try to make him laugh
- Looks at you, moves, or makes sounds to get or keep your attention
Language/Communication Milestones
- Makes sounds like “oooo”, “aahh” (cooing)
- Makes sounds back when you talk to him
- Turns head towards the sound of your voice
Cognitive Milestones (learning, thinking, problem-solving
- If hungry, opens mouth when he sees breast or bottle
- Looks at her hands with interest
Movement/Physical Development Milestones
- Holds head steady without support when you are holding him
- Holds a toy when you put it in his hand
- Uses his arm to swing at toys
- Brings hands to mouth
- Pushes up onto elbows/forearms when on tummy
6 months
Your Baby By Six Months
Social/Emotional Milestones
- Knows familiar people
- Likes to look at self in a mirror
- Laughs
Language/Communication Milestones
- Takes turns making sounds with you
- Blows “raspberries” (sticks tongue out and blows)
- Makes squealing noises
Cognitive Milestones (learning, thinking, problem-solving)
- Puts things in her mouth to explore them
- Reaches to grab a toy she wants
- Closes lips to show she doesn’t want more food
Movement/Physical Development Milestones
- Rolls from tummy to back
- Pushes up with straight arms when on tummy
- Leans on hands to support herself when sitting
9 months
Your Baby By Nine Months
Social/Emotional Milestones
- Is shy, clingy, or fearful around strangers
- Shows several facial expressions, like happy, sad, angry, and surprised
- Looks when you call her name
- Reacts when you leave (looks, reaches for you, or cries)
- Smiles or laughs when you play peek-a-boo
Language/Communication Milestones
- Makes a lot of different sounds like “mamamama” and “bababababa”
- Lifts arms up to be picked up
Cognitive Milestones (learning, thinking, problem-solving)
- Looks for objects when dropped out of sight (like his spoon or toy)
- Bangs two things together
Movement/Physical Development Milestones
- Gets to a sitting position by herself
- Moves things from one hand to her other hand
- Uses fingers to “rake” food towards himself
- Sits without support
1 year
Your Baby By One Year
Social/Emotional Milestones
- Plays games with you, like pat-a-cake
Language/Communication Milestones
- Waves “bye-bye”
- Calls a parent “mama” or “dada” or another special name
- Understands “no” (pauses briefly or stops when you say it)
Cognitive Milestones (learning, thinking, problem-solving)
- Puts something in a container, like a block in a cup
- Looks for things he sees you hide, like a toy under a blanket
Movement/Physical Development Milestones
- Pulls up to stand
- Walks, holding on to furniture
- Drinks from a cup without a lid, as you hold it
- Picks things up between thumb and pointer finger, like small bits of food
Advice and Guidance
You can have sex as soon as you and your partner both want to. Having a baby causes many physical and emotional changes for both partners and it may take some time before you feel comfortable or ready to have sex.
Everyone's different, so don't feel pressured or worry that you're not normal if you don’t feel ready to have sex. It can help to talk to your partner or a healthcare professional such as a nurse, doctor or health visitor about any concerns you have.
The earliest your periods can return is 5 to 6 weeks after the birth, if you're not breastfeeding. Breastfeeding usually delays the return of your periods. You're more likely to start having them once you breastfeed less often and feeds are shorter, but in some women they may return earlier.
You can become pregnant before your periods return because ovulation (releasing an egg) occurs about 2 weeks before you get your period.
You need to start using contraception from 3 weeks (21 days) after the birth. It’s not possible to get pregnant earlier than this.
Many methods can be started straight after the birth so that you’re prepared (see When can I start my chosen method of contraception?). Don’t wait for your periods to return or until you have your postnatal check before you use contraception as you could get pregnant again before then.
If you're fully breastfeeding you can choose to rely on this for contraception (see Will breastfeeding act as a contraceptive?).
This will depend on what you and your partner prefer, your medical history, any problems you had in your pregnancy and if you're breastfeeding.
These methods can be used or started any time after the birth:
- External (male) or internal (female) condoms.
- Contraceptive implant.
- Progestogen-only pill.
- Contraceptive injection. When using the injection within 6 weeks of giving birth, you may be more likely to have heavy and irregular bleeding.
- Fertility awareness methods. It may be more difficult to identify your fertile time immediately after giving birth or when you're breastfeeding.
From 3 weeks after the birth if you're not breastfeeding, or from 6 weeks if you're breastfeeding, you can start:
- the combined pill
- the contraceptive patch
- the contraceptive vaginal ring.
Because your risk of thrombosis (blood clots) is higher during pregnancy and after giving birth, you may be advised to wait until 6 weeks even if you’re not breastfeeding.
From 4 weeks after the birth you can use:
- an intrauterine device (IUD)
- an intrauterine system (IUS).
The IUD and IUS can also be fitted within 48 hours after you give birth.
From 6 weeks after the birth you can start to use:
- a diaphragm or a cap. You must check that it fits correctly.
Long-acting reversible contraceptives (LARC) are the most effective methods at preventing pregnancy. You don’t need to remember to take or use them.
- Contraceptive implant – works for 3 years. Can be taken out earlier.
- IUD – works for 5 or 10 years depending on type. Can be taken out earlier.
- IUS – works for 3 or 5 years depending on type. Can be taken out earlier.
- Contraceptive injection (Depo-Provera or Sayana Press) – lasts for 13 weeks.
Other methods rely on you remembering to take or use them. These are all effective methods if used according to instructions. But you have to use and think about them regularly or each time you have sex. If they're not used according to instructions every time they're less effective.
- The combined pill.
- The contraceptive patch.
- The contraceptive vaginal ring.
- The progestogen-only pill.
- External (male) or internal (female) condoms.
- Diaphragm or cap with spermicide.
- Fertility awareness methods.
If you’re breastfeeding then it’s recommended that you wait until the baby is 6 weeks old before starting the combined pill, the contraceptive vaginal ring or the contraceptive patch. These methods contain the hormone estrogen which may affect your milk production starting.
If you used a diaphragm or cap before you became pregnant, check with your doctor or contraception clinic to make sure it still fits – your cervix and vagina change shape during pregnancy and birth.
Fertility awareness methods can be more difficult to learn and use just after you've had a baby. If you used this method before your pregnancy, ask your fertility awareness teacher for advice.
An implant, IUS or IUD can be taken out at any time you choose and your normal fertility will return quickly.
If you use the injection, your fertility may not return for several months after your last injection has worn off. It can sometimes take up to 1 year for your periods and fertility to get back to normal. So if you want to get pregnant sooner, this may not be the best method to choose.
You can stop taking or using other methods whenever you choose to and your normal fertility will return quickly.
Fertility awareness methods can help you with planning a pregnancy as well as avoiding one.
Waiting at least 1 year after giving birth before getting pregnant again can help you have a healthier pregnancy and birth, reducing the risk of complications such as an early birth or a very small baby. If you do get pregnant earlier, don’t worry – ask for advice from your doctor, nurse or midwife.
If you're absolutely sure you don't want any more children you may wish to consider female sterilisation (tubal occlusion) or male sterilisation (vasectomy). These are permanent methods of contraception.
It's not usually recommended that you or a partner be sterilised at the time of childbirth, as you need time to be sure that you don't want any more children.
There's some evidence to show that women who are sterilised at the time of the birth, or just after, are more likely to regret this decision later. The failure rate of female sterilisation may also be higher when it's done at this time.
Breastfeeding is also known as lactation. It can help to delay when you start ovulating (releasing an egg) and having periods after the birth. This is known as lactational amenorrhoea (LAM) and it can be used as a contraceptive method.
LAM can be up to 98% effective in preventing pregnancy for up to 6 months after the birth. All of the following conditions must apply:
- You're fully, or nearly fully, breastfeeding. This means you're only giving your baby breast milk, or you are infrequently giving other liquids in addition to your breast milk.
- Your baby is less than 6 months old.
- You haven't had your first period since the birth.
The risk of pregnancy increases if any of these conditions apply:
- You start breastfeeding less often.
- There are long intervals between feeds – both day and night.
- You stop night feeds.
- You use supplement feeding.
- Your periods return.
Once your baby is over 6 months old the risk of getting pregnant increases, so even if you don’t have periods and are fully or nearly fully breastfeeding, you should use another contraceptive method.
If you're using a hormonal method of contraception a small amount of hormone will enter the milk, but no research has shown that this will harm your baby.
It’s advised that you wait until the baby is 6 weeks old before starting the combined pill, the contraceptive vaginal ring or the contraceptive patch. These methods contain the hormone estrogen which may affect your milk production starting.
Using the IUD doesn't affect your milk, and copper from it doesn't get into the milk.
If it's 21 days or more since the birth and you have sex without using a contraceptive method, or you think your contraception might've failed, you can use emergency contraception.
It's not possible to get pregnant earlier than 21 days (3 weeks) after the birth.
- You can use an emergency pill from 21 days.
- You can use the emergency IUD from 28 days.
If you're breastfeeding and use an emergency pill containing ulipristal acetate (known as ellaOne) you should avoid breastfeeding for 1 week after taking it. During this week you should express and discard your breast milk.
If you use the emergency IUD or an emergency pill containing levonorgestrel you can continue to breastfeed.
You can find out more about contraception from a midwife, nurse or doctor in hospital or at a birth centre, or from your midwife or health visitor at home. You and a partner can also visit your general practice or a contraception or sexual health clinic.
Self care and Prevention
Video Showcase
Related Conditions
Related Information
Further Information
